When Back-to-School Struggles Don’t Settle Down: How Parents Know a Child May Need More Support
The beginning of a school year can be an adjustment for almost every child. Summer schedules disappear, mornings become more rushed, and children must once again manage classrooms, assignments, rules, social expectations, and after-school responsibilities. A little tiredness, irritability, forgetfulness, or nervousness is not unusual.
Most children gradually settle into the routine. Mornings become easier, teachers and classmates become familiar, and homework feels more manageable. But what happens when the struggles do not settle down?
By several weeks into the school year, parents and teachers may begin to recognize patterns that deserve a closer look. A child may continue to cry before school, complain of stomachaches, forget assignments, avoid reading, become overwhelmed by homework, or fall apart after holding things together all day.
These behaviors do not automatically mean that a child has a disability or mental health condition. They do, however, provide useful information. Persistent difficulties are often a child’s way of showing us that some part of the school experience is harder than it should be.
Adjustment Period or Continuing Concern?
There is no single deadline by which every child should be fully adjusted. Children differ in temperament, developmental level, previous school experiences, and the amount of support they need. Starting a new school, coping with a family change, recovering from an illness, or adjusting to a particularly demanding class can extend the transition.
Instead of focusing only on how many weeks have passed, consider four questions:
How intense is the difficulty?
How often does it occur?
Is it improving, remaining unchanged, or getting worse?
Is it interfering with learning, attendance, friendships, family life, or the child’s emotional well-being?
A second grader who occasionally says that school is hard may be expressing a normal frustration. A second grader who cries every Sunday night, complains of a stomachache each morning, and repeatedly begs to stay home is showing a more concerning pattern.
Likewise, forgetting one assignment is ordinary. Regularly losing materials, failing to turn in completed work, and spending hours on homework may point to difficulties with attention, organization, learning, or executive functioning.
Behavior Is Information, Not an Explanation
Adults naturally focus on the behavior they can see. A child refuses to start an assignment. A teenager puts their head down in class. Another student talks constantly, leaves their seat, or argues when corrected.
The visible behavior is real, but it does not tell us why it is happening.
A child who avoids reading may have weak reading skills, anxiety about making mistakes, attention difficulties, or a history of feeling embarrassed in front of classmates. A student who appears unmotivated may not understand the work, may feel overwhelmed by the number of steps involved, or may have quietly decided that not trying feels safer than trying and failing.
Sometimes challenging behavior reflects a skill that has not developed as expected. The child may have difficulty managing frustration, shifting from one activity to another, interpreting social situations, organizing materials, remembering directions, or communicating that something feels too difficult.
This does not mean that expectations should disappear. Children still need structure, limits, and opportunities to develop responsibility. However, consequences alone rarely correct a problem when the child does not yet have the skills needed to meet the expectation.
Signs That a Child May Need Additional Support
A single symptom rarely provides a clear answer. Parents should look for patterns across time and settings.
Academic warning signs
A child may need additional support when they:
Consistently avoid reading, writing, or mathematics
Require far more time than expected to complete homework
Understand information when it is discussed but struggle to show that knowledge on paper
Frequently guess at words or forget words they previously learned
Have difficulty remembering directions, facts, or procedures
Produce schoolwork that does not seem to reflect their ability
Become unusually upset when asked to complete a particular type of work
Continue falling behind despite appropriate instruction and extra help
These patterns may be associated with a learning disability, attention difficulty, language weakness, memory concern, or another factor. They may also result from gaps in instruction, inconsistent attendance, stress, or a mismatch between current skills and classroom demands. That is why careful evaluation matters.
Attention and executive-functioning warning signs
Executive functions help children begin tasks, organize materials, manage time, remember what they need to do, and monitor their own work. Concerns may include:
Repeatedly losing papers, books, or personal belongings
Forgetting to submit completed assignments
Needing constant adult reminders to begin or finish routine tasks
Becoming overwhelmed by assignments with several steps
Having difficulty estimating how long work will take
Rushing through work and making avoidable mistakes
Knowing what to do but struggling to carry it out consistently
Showing a large gap between performance and apparent ability
Not every disorganized child has ADHD. Sleep, anxiety, depression, learning problems, stress, and developmental differences can also affect attention and executive functioning.
Emotional and behavioral warning signs
Some children tell adults directly that they are worried or unhappy. Others communicate distress through behavior or physical complaints. Watch for:
Frequent crying, irritability, anger, or emotional shutdowns
Stomachaches, headaches, nausea, or other physical complaints that commonly occur before school
Repeated requests to stay home or visits to the nurse
Major changes in sleep, appetite, or energy
Increasing perfectionism or fear of making mistakes
Withdrawal from friends or previously enjoyed activities
Strong reactions to homework, transitions, correction, or changes in routine
Regular emotional collapses after school
The American Academy of Pediatrics notes that school avoidance can be connected to anxiety, academic difficulties, peer problems, and other concerns. Its guidance encourages parents to explore the reason for the avoidance and work with the child’s school and healthcare provider when the pattern continues.
Social and communication warning signs
A child may also need support when they:
Regularly misunderstand humor, teasing, or social expectations
Want friends but do not know how to enter or maintain friendships
Experience repeated peer conflicts
Become overwhelmed in noisy or socially demanding settings
Have unusually rigid routines or strong reactions to change
Mask difficulties at school and release all their distress at home
Seem socially exhausted after the school day
These behaviors may reflect anxiety, autism, language differences, attention problems, sensory needs, or other developmental factors. They should not be interpreted from one behavior alone.
What Parents Can Do First
When you are concerned, you do not need to wait for a crisis. Early communication and simple documentation can make the next steps much clearer.
1. Ask your child curious, specific questions
“Why are you doing this?” often produces an “I don’t know.” Try smaller questions:
“What part of the school day feels hardest?”
“When does your stomach usually begin to hurt?”
“Is the work too hard, too long, confusing, or boring?”
“What happens right before you feel like giving up?”
“Is there a time at school when you feel comfortable and successful?”
The goal is not to conduct an interrogation. It is to help your child put an experience into words.
2. Contact the teacher
Ask what the teacher is observing academically, socially, and behaviorally. Helpful questions include:
Is this happening every day or only during certain subjects?
How does my child’s work compare with classroom expectations?
What strategies have already been tried?
Does my child ask for help?
Are there times when my child performs noticeably better?
Have you noticed concerns involving peers, attendance, or transitions?
Patterns across settings are important. A child who struggles only during reading may need something different from a child who struggles throughout the day.
3. Keep a short record
For two or three weeks, record when the problem occurs, what happened beforehand, how long it lasted, and what seemed to help. Also save work samples, teacher messages, progress reports, and intervention data.
You do not need a complicated spreadsheet. A few dated notes can reveal patterns that memory alone may miss.
4. Check the basics
Sleep, vision, hearing, nutrition, medication effects, illness, and major life changes can influence school functioning. A pediatrician can help determine whether a medical or health-related factor should be considered.
5. Ask about available school supports
Schools may provide classroom interventions, targeted academic instruction, counseling, behavior supports, or problem-solving meetings. Parents can ask what assistance is available and how progress will be measured.
A child does not necessarily need a diagnosis to begin receiving appropriate classroom support.
When Should Parents Consider an Evaluation?
An evaluation may be appropriate when difficulties are persistent, significant, occur in more than one setting, or continue despite reasonable support. It may also be helpful when parents and teachers agree that a problem exists but remain uncertain about its cause.
A comprehensive evaluation should do more than assign a label. It should help answer practical questions:
How does this child learn most effectively?
What is interfering with progress?
Are attention, language, memory, emotional, social, or academic factors involved?
What strengths can be used to support areas of difficulty?
What accommodations, interventions, or treatment recommendations are appropriate?
Parents may request an evaluation through their public school when they suspect that a disability is affecting their child’s education. Under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act, eligible children with disabilities are entitled to a free appropriate public education. Indiana families can also consult the state’s Article 7 special-education rules and procedural safeguards for information about evaluations and parent rights.
A private psychological or psychoeducational evaluation is another option. Private evaluations may examine learning, attention, executive functioning, autism, emotional functioning, and other developmental concerns. A private diagnosis does not automatically establish eligibility for school services, because schools must apply educational eligibility requirements. However, a well-designed evaluation can clarify the child’s needs and provide useful recommendations for home, school, and healthcare providers.
Seek Help More Quickly When Safety Is Involved
Some concerns should not be handled with a wait-and-see approach. Seek prompt professional help if a child talks about wanting to die, engages in self-harm, threatens serious harm, experiences severe bullying, stops attending school, becomes unable to complete ordinary daily activities, or shows a sudden and significant change in behavior.
In an immediate crisis, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department. In the United States, children and adults experiencing a mental health crisis can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
The Most Important Message for Children
Children who struggle at school often begin forming painful explanations: “I’m stupid.” “I’m lazy.” “I’m the bad kid.” “Everyone else can do this except me.”
Adults can offer a more accurate message:
“Something is making this harder for you than it should be. We are going to work together to understand it.”
That statement does not excuse inappropriate behavior or promise that every challenge will disappear. It tells the child that difficulties can be understood, skills can be developed, and asking for help is not a failure.
An evaluation is not about finding something “wrong” with a child. At its best, it helps adults see the whole child more clearly—the challenges, the strengths, and the supports that can make success more possible.
Verified Parent and School Resources
HealthyChildren.org: School Avoidance—Tips for Concerned Parents — Guidance from the American Academy of Pediatrics.
National Association of School Psychologists — Information about how school psychologists support learning, behavior, and mental health.
Individuals with Disabilities Education Act — Official federal information about special education.
Center for Parent Information and Resources: Requesting an Initial Evaluation — Parent-friendly guidance supported by the U.S. Department of Education’s Office of Special Education Programs.
Indiana Department of Education: Special Education Laws and Resources — Indiana’s Article 7 rules and related resources.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline — Call or text 988 for immediate crisis support.
Recommended Books for Parents
Beyond Behaviors: Using Brain Science and Compassion to Understand and Solve Children’s Behavioral Challenges by Mona Delahooke, Ph.D. ISBN-13: 978-1683731191.
Smart but Scattered: The Revolutionary “Executive Skills” Approach to Helping Kids Reach Their Potential by Peg Dawson, Ed.D., and Richard Guare, Ph.D. ISBN-13: 978-1593854454.
Breaking Free of Child Anxiety and OCD: A Scientifically Proven Program for Parents by Eli R. Lebowitz, Ph.D. ISBN-13: 978-0190883522.
The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children by Ross W. Greene, Ph.D. ISBN-13: 978-0063092464.
A Final Thought
If school remains unusually difficult several weeks into the year, parents do not need to choose between overreacting and doing nothing. Begin by observing patterns, listening to the child, communicating with the teacher, and asking what support has been tried. When concerns persist, a thoughtful evaluation can help replace guessing with understanding.
Student Evaluation Center provides psychological and psychoeducational evaluations for children, adolescents, and adults in New Albany, Indiana. Evaluations are designed to provide clear explanations, identify strengths as well as concerns, and offer practical recommendations that families and schools can use.
This article provides general educational information and is not a substitute for individualized medical, psychological, or educational advice.
© 2026 Student Evaluation Center, LLC